Guest Blog: Alcohol Freedom Coaching
By the time the words “I want a divorce” came out of my mouth, I felt sure that I would be better off without him. The marriage felt oppressive. Our sex life was nonexistent. There were no children to consider and we could make a clean break.
I had never lived on my own, and as frightened as I was about the marriage ending and being alone, I was giddy at the thought of independence and freedom. I moved out of the apartment we shared in Manhattan, found a sublet just across the bridge in Brooklyn, and made a promise to myself to be social and try new things. I refused to become a bitter, sad, lonely divorcée sitting home every night crying about the situation.
Instead, I took advantage of every opportunity to go out and be social, most of which included drinking. I took some classes and started performing stand-up comedy. I learned that I was pretty funny. And, after a few drinks, my stage fright completely disappeared! I accepted every offer to go to happy hour with my work colleagues. Tinder had just become popular and I excitedly started swiping. I was starting over at the age of 40, dating, going out for drinks, and feeling beautiful and sexy again. I could go out to a restaurant or bar by myself without feeling uncomfortable because I became friends with the bartenders and would drink with them and the other patrons. Drinking cured my social anxiety and I felt fearless. Even when I had nights at home alone in front of the TV, I never allowed myself to feel sad or lonely, because there was always a bottle of wine to numb the pain and keep me company.
Prior to the divorce, I had always considered myself a 'normal' drinker. But after the marriage ended, alcohol became my new partner, companion, and best friend.
Once upon a time, my ex-husband filled a space in my life. Even though the passion was gone for years prior to the marriage ending, without him, there was a void. I increasingly used alcohol to fill that void instead of allowing myself to sit with the loss of the marriage and experience the grief.
There aren’t really common grieving rituals for divorce like there are with the death of a loved one that your friends and family can support you through. People going through a breakup don’t usually say, “This is a devastating loss and I need time and space to grieve.”
Before I knew it, my post-divorce party girl phase turned into eight years of an unhealthy and destructive lifestyle because I believed all the lies we are told about alcohol. I thought that drinking was harmless, relaxing, fun, sophisticated, sexy, and cool. I believed that alcohol was only addictive and dangerous for ‘alcoholics’, and surely I wasn't one of them! But, using alcohol to self-medicate and deny my emotional pain, progressively led to an alcohol addiction.
I knew I must make a change, but I didn’t like the idea of having to label myself an alcoholic. In my search for an alternative to AA, I found freedom from alcohol through the same science-based, compassion-led model I now use in my 1-on-1 coaching and group coaching programs.
AA teaches you that the problem is you, not the alcohol. Alcohol Freedom Coaching teaches you that the opposite is true.
There is no form of self-medicating with substances that will effectively erase the pain of divorce. In fact, alcohol acts as a depressant in the body, intensifying negative emotions, like shame or sadness. It’s only after removing alcohol from my life, eight years after the marriage ended, that I really began to grieve and heal.
There is life after divorce and it doesn’t need to include alcohol. There is life after alcohol that doesn’t need to include feelings of deprivation. The truth is, all that alcohol does for you in social situations is ensure that those events become dulled and unmemorable. The feeling of being buzzed or drunk is the same no matter what you’re doing. Today, I have much more fun than I ever did when I was drinking. My jokes are funnier, I am more confident, sex is better, and I remember all of it. When you stop believing you need to drink to have fun, you won’t need to. And you don’t have to wait to hit ‘rock bottom’. You can take control of your relationship with alcohol as soon as you realize that alcohol is no longer serving you.
I am living proof that freedom from alcohol is possible. I became an Alcohol Freedom Coach in order to pay it forward and help others who are questioning their relationship with alcohol and to focus on healthier coping skills when dealing with the loss of a relationship. The coaching methodology I use with my clients is an alternative to AA that rewires your brain so that you no longer have any desire to drink. You don’t have to label yourself an alcoholic and you don’t need to use willpower or feel deprived. I have never called myself an alcoholic. I prefer to call myself a nondrinker because that’s exactly what I am.
To learn more about me and to set up a complimentary discovery call, visit AMightyRebel.com or contact me directly at CoachJennifer@AMightyRebel.com
Rebel Without a Drink Program Starting January 2023! For more info visit: rebelwithoutadrink.com
